Comments on: It’s far past time for ‘Abby’ be put out to pasture

By: Lark

Lark — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:37:49 +0000

Dear Jammer:

I find myself getting terribly thirsty after eating a bag of potato chips. Generally speaking, the thirst is abated if I have beer in the house, but when I have only water, I find that chips and water just don’t seem to mix. What can I do?

By: he Best Freak

he Best Freak — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:03:37 +0000

Dear Jammer,

I have a tendency to stay up late for no good reason.

This makes me tired, irritable and run down. I feel that his is creating undue stress to my wife who likes to get up early and go to bed early.

Why oh why are there so many blogs and distractions on the internet?

Signed,
Major Lieutenant Sir Granger Dulwart-Smythe (Mrs)

By: grumpy_otter

grumpy_otter — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 23:55:04 +0000

Dear Jammer,

I find myself obsessing over an online blogger who writes reviews of my favorite shows. I think I should move to his town and introduce myself. I’ll bring my vintage video games and my pitbull, Worf.

Don’t you think this is a GREAT idea?

love,

g.o.

p.s. KIDDING, KIDDING, KIDDING, KIDDING!

By: Josh

Josh — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 01:23:33 +0000

I was JUST watching that Seinfeld episode as I read that comment. That is bloody freaky! “Get a good look, Costanza?” — I heard that line JUST as I read your comment.

Spooooky.

By: Robert Gillis

Robert Gillis — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:39:56 +0000

Dear Jammer, I am having an issue with my father. The family recently located after a long journey to a beautiful new plan– um, country. Anyway, my father took our last Rapt– um, er, vehicle, and decided to bury President Ros– er, his girlfriend, who recently died, on a hill, and build a cabin, but lately he just sits there staring at nothing. I miss him back here and since was hoping he would rejoin us, but he just keeps staring into space, taking about his cabin and muttering 150,000 years later. What can I do? Signed, “Lee” P.S. What does Miss Manners say about lovers who are presumed dead but come back, only to vanish again?

By: Adam

Adam — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 02:59:31 +0000

I thought Abby was fake anyway. I mean, who would take the time to write to Abby, hope Abby reads their letter at some point in the future, and wait for Abby to reply in a newspaper column at some point even further in the future? I’m sure Abby is just a literary technique designed to teach morals, not anybody’s actual problems.

By: Ensign Obvious

Ensign Obvious — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:17:38 +0000

Jammer,

No hitting the kids, but I do notice there was no comment on the wife. Awesome!

Hey Single….same issue here, except it is a woman with the greatest legs I have ever seen and she really likes her short skirts. So distracting at meetings. *sigh*

By: Jammer

Jammer — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 03:15:32 +0000

Dear Single: I must quote “Seinfeld” again. Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun — you don’t stare. But as long as you’re not staring, you’re probably good.

And, yes, it is entrapment.

By: TS

TS — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 01:58:53 +0000

I was laughing quite a bit by the time I read that last one. Good job. I thought it was another real one and I just couldn’t believe that someone would actually sign it as HAMMERED IN HELENA. Haha.

By: AeC

AeC — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 01:31:49 +0000

Regarding the second story, wouldn’t it have been a lot more interesting (and slightly unnerving) if it were a man complaining that his wife didn’t wear her dentures? And on that fairly obvious note, cue the porn music. Aww yeah.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:25:01 +0000

Dear Jammer:

The woman who works in the cubicle directly across from mine has very large breasts and insists on wearing tight tops that show ample cleavage. When movement makes my eyes flick up reflexively, I often catch myself staring directly at them before quickly looking away… but she glares at me just the same. I feel like a creepy old man now, and the other women in the office treat me like a disease.

Two questions:
1) What can I do other than not look up for any reason? If I complain to management, she might be forced to stop, and the other men in the office would think I betrayed some “man code”.
2) Is this entrapment? After all, if she didn’t want us to look at them, she should wear a heavy burlap sack instead.

Thanks!
- Single For Some Reason

By: Shrimps in Space

Shrimps in Space — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:06:08 +0000

Jammer,

I recommend that you see it theatres.

Shrimps in Space

By: Jammer

Jammer — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 05:28:05 +0000

Dear Shrimps: If aliens want to be reviewed, they should come to America instead of going to South Africa. I suggest an immigration program that will allow aliens to come to America where their movies can be rightly reviewed. Until then, Jammer will not be making any trips to Johannesburg … at least not until maybe DVD. (But even then, probably not.)

By: Jammer

Jammer — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 05:24:36 +0000

Dear Confused: Beating your children is wrong. Even if it feels so right. Instead, you should kick your dog.

By: Shrimps in Space

Shrimps in Space — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 03:15:32 +0000

Dear Jamma,

Any plans on reviewing District 9?

Shrimps in Space

By: Ensign Obvious

Ensign Obvious — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:13:05 +0000

Dear Jammer,

I live in the most charming little town, but the stress of my job – which I feel so blessed to have – gets to me. After almost 40 years of never hitting my spouse or children, I am thinking about starting because my friends tell me it is a great stress reliever. My delightful spouse is against it, she said she will have to cover the bruises when we walk to church and the children (who are all precious) say it will embarass them. I need a stress reliever, am I wrong to think, “Hey, I finally decided on a hobby, why are you trying to stop me?”

Confused in Suburbia

By: Jammer

Jammer — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:42:02 +0000

Dear Brian: While I do not condone deceit as a moral point, you may be able to solve the problem as follows:

Find an impartial judge whom you know is familiar with the famous story of King Solomon. The judge will suggest the fridge shall be divided in two. Your roommate will agree with this. You will disagree, saying that you would rather your roommate have the fridge than the fridge be destroyed. The judge will instantly see you as the worthy owner of the fridge and grant you custody.

Note that this happened in an episode of “Seinfeld” with a dispute over a bicycle between Kramer and Elaine, with Newman as the arbiter. Whoever said “Seinfeld” was a show about nothing was clearly wrong.

By: Jammer

Jammer — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:35:40 +0000

Dear TNG Reviews: Remember that patience is a virtue. If you find that you cannot wait for TNG reviews, you should voice your displeasure to the person that is making you wait. If you are told that you must continue waiting, you can at that point decide whether you want to keep waiting or not. Hope this helps.

By: Occuprice

Occuprice — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 20:44:30 +0000

Dear Jammer: I recently moved into my dorm and rented a refrigerator with my roommate. It’s one unit, but we both paid for it and both want to use it. What on earth should we do?

-BRIAN IN WALLA WALLA

By: TNG Reviews

TNG Reviews — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 19:30:19 +0000

I remember years ago when they were promised. “It’s far past time for “TNG Reviews” to be put to pasture” or completed. or something.