Jamie Lee Curtis and Jason

Jamie Lee Curtis is stalked by Michael Myers Jason in one of the Halloween sequels.

About a decade ago, at a former employer of mine, there was this guy in middle-management who was the epitome of milquetoast unhipness. Let’s call him Bob. His sense of humor had no inspiration or edge to it whatsoever. At best, he had a limited range of bland and safe Dad Humor, and he laughed at the things you’d imagine the Bobs in Office Space would’ve laughed at. Hell, he probably thought the comic strip B.C. was hilarious.

Anyway, one year there were some employee rumblings, and a unionization organization effort began to take shape in a department that was not unionized. The company, in its infinite wisdom, rather than just leaving it alone and keeping quiet, poured gasoline on the fire and went into propaganda overdrive to try to discourage employees from joining.

Among the propaganda efforts was a poster on the break room bulletin board that said something to the effect of, “The union is coming for you. Protect yourself.” On it was a photo from a scene from Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis’ character being stalked by masked slasher Michael Myers.

“Hey, did you see the poster in the break room?” said Bob, trying to connect his own pop-culture in-touchness with subtle anti-union agenda-pushing. “It’s pretty funny. It’s got Jamie Lee Curtis and Jason.”

Now, somehow, this was the perfect mockable offense. Granted, it’s not a high crime to confuse the Halloween and Friday the 13th franchises, but in that moment it was such an encapsulation of Bob’s persona (hey, in fairness, they both wear masks!) that it became a running joke that has lived on ever since. Neither I nor any of my co-workers from my old team has worked there in years, but to this day I can simply text the words “Jamie Lee Curtis and Jason” to my friend and it’s still funny, because, well, repetition equals funny.

Because he or I always makes sure to cycle this joke up every six months or so, this came up again recently, and we stumbled on the idea (and I’m really surprised it took so long for this to happen) to tweak the joke and say other things that are wrong that Bob might possibly have said, like, “It’s almost as good as that time Captain Kirk blew up the Death Star.”

And then we just started texting back and forth quotes (mostly from movies) that were wrong in a way very much in the spirit of the original wrongness: plausibly wrong, but quotes that you should get right if you are bothering to say them at all. This has now become a game. Here are some examples of recent exchanges over the past few weeks:

  • “This boat’s not big enough.” (Jaws)
  • “Serpents on this airline make me so angry!” (Snakes on a Plane)
  • “You didn’t tell me the truth, Mr. Lundergaard.” (Fargo)
  • “They said it was repaired!” (The Empire Strikes Back)
  • “I’m not to blame!” (The Empire Strikes Back)
  • “The only rule is don’t mention the fighting group to anyone.” (Fight Club)
  • “Revenge isn’t a very hot meal.” (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
  • “It’s like the Predator said: He’s coming back.” (The Terminator)
  • “THIS. IS. ATHENS!!!” (300)
  • “Not good (or ill) man.” (Donald Trump’s Twitter account)
  • “FOURRRRTEEEEEEN DAAAAAAAAAYS!” (Total Recall)
  • “Stop drinking that coffee. Only good salesman can drink coffee!” (Glengarry Glen Ross)
  • “Like Quiet Bill said, ‘Who the heck said that stuff?'” (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
  • “No… I am your dad.” (The Empire Strikes Back)
  • “7-year-olds, Guy.” (The Big Lebowski)
  • “Is this your schoolwork, Barry?” (The Big Lebowski)
  • “If you score your turn a six, you will be hurt very bad.” (The Big Lebowski)
  • “As Mr. Spock used to say, perhaps May the 4th is a good day to live long.” (Star Trek/Wars)
  • “IHLIH: It happens like it happens.” (IDWID: It Do What It Do)
  • “I’ll make sure he says yes to my offer.” (The Godfather)
  • “Dallas, we have a problem.” (Apollo 13)
  • “We won’t need roads where we’re going.” (Back to the Future)
  • “These are the new golden leads, but they’re not for you.” (Glengarry Glen Ross)
  • “You always have the Force.” (Star Wars)
  • “Stop sucking my blood, Khan!” (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
  • “THIS IS ALPHA PHI SIGMA!” (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
  • “Why don’t you make like a tree, and leave?” (Back to the Future double-reversed, with two wrongs making a right)
  • “Who the heck is this guy Ian?” (High Fidelity)
  • “I’m not talking.” “Yeah, well, you’re going to die, Mr. Bond.” (Goldfinger)
  • “People will show up if you build it.” (Field of Dreams)
  • “Bullets aren’t good for the things in this room.” (The Hunt for Red October)
  • “Superman always catches the Joker at the end.” (General DC Comics reference)
  • “Michael J Fox and Dr. Dolittle.” (Back to the Future)
  • “You’re the guy now, Doug!” (Finding Forrester)
  • “The dynamite goes blam!” (Boom Goes the Dynamite meme)
  • “Someone set us up a detonation.” (Someone Set Up Us the Bomb meme)

I could probably go on forever. But in the spirit of this game, I want more players. Come up with some good ones in the comments below.

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4 comments on this post

Trajan
Wednesday, May 31, 2017, 2:42 pm (UTC -5)

“These aren’t the synthetic life forms you’re seeking.” (Star Wars)

Yanks
Tuesday, June 6, 2017, 7:09 pm (UTC -5)

“I aim to be a bad boy” (Serenity)

grumpy_otter
Wednesday, June 14, 2017, 9:02 am (UTC -5)

I am so not good at this kind of thing, thought I did appreciate these and snorted soda out of my nose a couple of times. But let’s see, I’ll try. . .

Never participate in ground hostilities in Amargosa. (The Princess Bride)

Kodan Armada
Friday, July 28, 2017, 5:35 pm (UTC -5)

If you are going to go Princess Bride…

Greetings, my name is Indigo Montana, you killed my dad, prepare to meet your maker.

Have a blast storming the fortified installation

Turns out he only partially deceased

No, to the discomfort

Unthinkable!

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