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ANS stands for ‘And Now Stop’

Okay, so DNA testing has confirmed that Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, CNN is reporting. Whoop-de-friggin’-do. Can this story please die now? Can we resume our lame and tabloid-free existences already?

I previously had written a rant about how this story, which pervaded through most of February as the lead story with endless “BREAKING NEWS” tags, needed to die a bloody and violent and brutal and ghastly and quick — not slow — death. This is the worst “breaking news” story of the past five years. Off the top of my head, anyway.

I don’t care if Anna Nicole Smith rests in peace or spins in her grave over this new development. I just want it so that those of us who are still alive and pay attention to the news don’t have to listen to this crap anymore.

For the love of God, let this story die now that it has its lame-ass tabloid movie-of-the-week resolution.

DNA testing: It do what it do.

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