And this year’s winner for Douchebag Theme Song is…

“Don’t Trust Me” by 3OH!3, featuring these winner lyrics. At the risk of sounding like an out-of-touch-with-today’s-youth kinduva guy (you know, someone who might shout “Get off my lawn!” to neighborhood kids), I must voice my hatred of this godawful song.

I was standing around at a Fourth of July party with some friends a couple weeks ago, and this song came on the radio. When I mentioned how much I hated it, a friend said, “Yeah, this is like the douchebag theme song.” Talk about hitting the nail on the head. Yes. That’s it exactly. I wish I’d thought of the phrasing myself.

Look, I have nothing against pop music in general. Like everything, there’s stuff I like and stuff I don’t. I don’t claim to be a music critic; that’s not my forte. But how the hell does this become a hit song? This has got to be one of stupidest and most obnoxious-sounding songs in recent memory. And the radio station plays it 20 times a day.

Stop it.

The refrain about Helen Keller strikes me as something the songwriters thought would be “edgy” and “cool” and that alone would make up for its tackiness. (Look how awesome we are! We can mock Hellen Keller!) Nope. Just tacky and annoying. Rather than telling some chick to “do the Helen Keller” why don’t you just go home and shut up, ya d-bag.

Bad, bad, bad, obnoxious, obnoxious, annoying, stupid song.

Hey, I hold nothing against you if you like this song. But it’s one of those things that goes on my list of things that must … be … destroyed.

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17 comments on this post

Jeff
Tuesday, July 21, 2009, 9:42 am (UTC -6)

A nauseating song to be sure, but it still can’t beat the 2007 Douchebag Theme Song winner, “This Is Why I’m Hot” by Mims.

JackBauer
Wednesday, July 22, 2009, 8:42 pm (UTC -6)

shhh Jammer, shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.

grumpy_otter
Thursday, July 23, 2009, 9:30 am (UTC -6)

I’m so old and out of the loop that I had never heard it before. . .

Chris L
Thursday, July 23, 2009, 10:35 am (UTC -6)

Unfortunately, I have heard this song WAY too many times. The Helen Keller line is particularly bad. This is why people have satellite radio.

JackBauer
Thursday, July 23, 2009, 1:21 pm (UTC -6)

“This is why people have satellite radio”

AHHAHAHA, are you for real??? This some was the Whatyouwant song for 2 weeks on Sirius Hits 1.

Chris L
Friday, July 24, 2009, 10:27 am (UTC -6)

Jack,
With satellite radio you had the choice of listening to whatever kind of music (including this POS) you want. You don’t have to listen to the “hits” channel if you don’t want to. With broadcast radio, all the stations are “hit” stations, unless you are into Rush Limbaugh and paranormal talk shows.

JackBauer
Friday, July 24, 2009, 6:26 pm (UTC -6)

Oh I gotcha, satilite radio gives you the option to change the channel. Well I agree with that. Ive had mine for 3 years and just renewed it for 2 more. The only problem is I dont know whose coming to town cause I dont listen to terrestrial radio.

David Payne
Saturday, July 25, 2009, 11:28 am (UTC -6)

I’d never heard it before, but it’s no worse than the other crap that gets repeatedly played on the radio or in clubs. This stuffs everywhere!

Jammer
Monday, July 27, 2009, 1:33 am (UTC -6)

I disagree. There are levels of quality in pop music among the stuff on the radio and in the clubs. This is way more annoying than most of the bullshit. In my opinion, anyway.

penguinphysics
Tuesday, July 28, 2009, 10:57 am (UTC -6)

I just heard this song for the first time and it was three of the most excruciating minutes of my life. I think I’ll sue the artists to get those three minutes back. This song is so bad that it defies description. Somewhere, out there, is a village desperately searching for its idiot. Well, I think we’ve found him. This song reaches the (un)coveted status of rock bottom, but still manages to keep digging. It’s just frightening that someday my tax dollars will be funding the brain research involved in discovering what keeps this guy’s head from collapsing from the vacuum in his cranial cavity. I suppose that anyone has the right to be as offensive as they want, but why do some people have to abuse the privilege? In short, there are no redeeming factors that I can discern from this assault on my auditory canal. I suppose the best thing I can say is that at least it’s three minutes and not four or five. That might just induce permanent insanity and then I’d have to start making claptrap like this.

Chris L
Tuesday, July 28, 2009, 11:37 am (UTC -6)

peguinphysics,
I morn your loss of innocence with the hearing of this song.

Brian
Tuesday, July 28, 2009, 7:19 pm (UTC -6)

3OH!3 is pretty bad, but can’t compare to the smut that is Lady Gaga … try listening to the lyrics for ‘Lovegame.’ I think she gave my radio an STD.

Michael T Bradley
Thursday, August 6, 2009, 10:09 pm (UTC -6)

I’d like to submit Custom’s “Hey Mister” for Douchebag Theme of the Year for whatever year that came out in….

Michael
Wednesday, August 12, 2009, 8:30 am (UTC -6)

That is what people are listening to these days? Yeah, that’s why I listen to talk radio instead.

It gets my vote for DTotY.

hotshot309
Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 12:26 am (UTC -6)

Was it Andy who called it the “douchebag theme song?” I agree, and I can’t believe we didn’t turn that song off when it came on at the 4th of July party. Instead, we just stood there and suffered while bitching about it.

The other annoying thing in the song is “never trust a ho,” which I wasn’t aware they could even put on the radio, and which makes me want to smack this college-age-sounding probably dyed-blond Blink 182 wannabe across the face, backhanded, and then hit him with a 40 of Old English.

I’m so sad that I know any words to this song at all. I think I dislike this song even more than “Dontcha” by the Pussy Cat Dolls.

Gatton
Sunday, August 30, 2009, 12:25 am (UTC -6)

I’m in my early 30s but pop radio makes me feel ancient. 3OH!3? Am I supposed to be able to pronounce that as a word?

Lark
Wednesday, September 9, 2009, 3:07 pm (UTC -6)

I have a question – what is this song about? I mean, the insulting H.K. reference notwithstanding – it makes no sense at all!

I don’t know – I must have paid too much attention in school, moronic lyrics written in “ghetto-speak” are just beyond stupid to me.

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