’24’: The lamentable Dana Walsh situation

24 Season 8Brian Hastings (Mykelti Williamson) and Dana Walsh (Katee Sackhoff) do counter-terrorist stuff at CTU in season eight of “24.”

Word is, this is going to end up being the last season for 24. Based on what we’ve seen this season, I’m thinking that wouldn’t be such a bad idea, especially if it allows the show to just get it over with and become a movie franchise.

24 as a series has gotten awfully long in the tooth, and clearly it has simply run out of ideas. The question is not whether the show will surprise us, but whether the show will be entertaining enough in recycling itself to deliver respectably for an hour. I’m not sure what’s worse: The general malaise of this season, or the haphazardly messy multiple shark-jumping of season six. Season eight has so far merely alternated between the typically competent 24 action moments, plenty of mediocre beats, and lots of filler. (Read more…)

Go Daddy and Danica Patrick are the opposite of awesome

Go DaddyHi, I’m Danica Patrick. Check this shit out (Fig. 1): I will now sell you a domain name by staring intensely at you through your computer screen and hypnotizing you with my extremely undeniable Danica Patrick-ness. Because nothing says “domain names” quite like generic girls in tank tops, me, my awesomeness, and auto racing. Boo-yah.

I’ve about reached the end of my patience with Danica Patrick. Specifically, Danica Patrick teamed with Go Daddy to be an annual Super Bowl institution exercising tired and unfunny assumptions about the Lowest Common Denominator. Has anything ever played on such a dumb and repetitive brain-dead premise (“Hey, guys who watch football also like hot chicks in tank tops! You know, like at Hooters!) and so quickly become so utterly forced, predictable, and eye-roll worthy?

(The answer to that question, by the way, is: Why, yes, of course about a million things have achieved a similar feat of comparable eye-rolling lameness. This is just one such excellent example.)

I don’t remember when Go Daddy first rolled out its chicks-sell-domain-names ad campaign for the Super Bowl, but it’s probably been at least five years now. Or 10. Or 50. (How old is the Internet again?) (Read more…)

‘Doorbusters’: Shame on you

Okay. So you all know about my dislike of “Black Friday” hype from my previously posted complaints, from both my own personal experience as well as from madness in the headlines.

But I just can’t let it go. This year, I must register my distaste over a particular persisting word associated with the Black Friday madness:

“Doorbuster.” (Read more…)

And this year’s winner for Douchebag Theme Song is…

“Don’t Trust Me” by 3OH!3, featuring these winner lyrics. At the risk of sounding like an out-of-touch-with-today’s-youth kinduva guy (you know, someone who might shout “Get off my lawn!” to neighborhood kids), I must voice my hatred of this godawful song.

I was standing around at a Fourth of July party with some friends a couple weeks ago, and this song came on the radio. When I mentioned how much I hated it, a friend said, “Yeah, this is like the douchebag theme song.” Talk about hitting the nail on the head. Yes. That’s it exactly. I wish I’d thought of the phrasing myself. (Read more…)

Michael Jackson coverage: Enough already

I understand that Michael Jackson was huge and the passing of a pop icon is a big deal, blah, blah, etc. But the coverage of this event in the news has become nothing short of sickening. It’s a media feeding frenzy, and it’s ridiculous.

I don’t care what you thought of the guy as an artist or about the controversies and his strangeness later in life, or the where-there’s-smoke-there’s-fire allegations of his conduct with children. I don’t want to get into all that. I frankly don’t care. (Read more…)

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